We have a variety of relationships – romantic, friendship, mentorship, familial, etc. – and everyone deserves to feel safe and supported within each of these relationships. Do you know if your relationships are healthy? Take the survey below to find out.

This survey is just for you; your responses will not be recorded. Answer as honestly as possible for yourself. Make sure to think expansively and consider all types of relationships.

Do you generally feel safe in your relationship? 

Safety is a very important aspect of a happy and healthy relationship! It’s important to continue monitoring your own relationship and finding areas to continue positive growth. 

We all deserve to feel safe in our relationships, and the safety of everyone involved is vital for a healthy relationship. You and others involved in the relationship might want to explore how to strengthen your relationship by incorporating more healthy behaviors such as showing respect to one another and expressing yourselves in non-threatening ways. You may want to reach out for help from one of the resources listed below. Alternatively, you might decide that separation or setting new boundaries is the best next step. There are some resources at the end of this quiz that you can use to talk with others about your concerns and learn more about healthy relationship behaviors. 

It seems like you’re feeling unhappy and unsafe in your relationship. We all deserve to feel happy and safe in our relationships with others, and we never deserve to be harmed. Here are some resources and services that can offer support and help you think about your next steps towards safety.

Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP) 
24-hour Hotline: 800-373-1043 
Website - https://dvipiowa.org/

Does everyone in the relationship feel their opinion is valued?

Feeling valued is a very important aspect of a happy and healthy relationship! It’s important to continue monitoring your own relationship and finding areas to continue positive growth.

We all deserve to feel valued in our relationships. You and others involved in the relationship might want to explore how to strengthen your relationship by incorporating more healthy behaviors such as listening nonjudgmentally and emotionally affirming one another. Alternatively, you might decide that separation or setting new boundaries is the best next step. At the end of this quiz are some resources that you can check out to talk with others about your concerns and to learn more about healthy relationship behaviors. 

It seems like you’re feeling undervalued in your relationship. We all deserve to feel respected and heard in our relationships with others, and we never deserve to be belittled. There are resources at the end of this quiz that you can use to talk with others about your concerns and learn more about healthy relationship behaviors. 

Do all parties in the relationship respect everyone’s rights to their own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions?

Autonomy is a very important aspect of a happy and healthy relationship! It’s important to continue monitoring your own relationship and finding areas to continue positive growth.

We all deserve to feel safe to be ourselves within our relationships. You and others involved in the relationship might want to explore how to strengthen your relationship by incorporating more healthy behaviors such as respecting one another’s personal goals and willingness to accept differences. Alternatively, you might decide that separation or setting new boundaries is the best next step. At the end of this quiz are some resources that you can check out to talk with others about your concerns and to learn more about healthy relationship behaviors. 

It seems like you’re feeling restricted in your relationship. We all deserve freedom and autonomy in our relationships with others, and we never deserve to be controlled. Here are some resources and services that can offer support and help you think about your next steps towards safety.

Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP) 
24-hour Hotline: 800-373-1043 
Website - https://dvipiowa.org

Do all parties in the relationship accept responsibility for their actions and admit when they’ve caused harm?

Accountability is a very important aspect of a happy and healthy relationship! It’s important to continue monitoring your own relationship and finding areas to continue positive growth.

We all deserve accountability in our relationships. You and others involved in the relationship might want to explore how to strengthen your relationship by incorporating more healthy behaviors, or you might decide that separation or setting new boundaries is the best next step. At the end of this quiz are some resources that you can check out to talk with others about your concerns and to learn more about healthy relationship behaviors.

It seems like you’re experiencing a lack of accountability in your relationship. We all mess up in our relationships with others, but if your partner(s) never acknowledges mistakes or apologizes for harm they’ve caused, we might feel unsafe. Here are some resources and services that can offer support and help you think about your next steps towards safety.

Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP) 
24-hour Hotline: 800-373-1043 
Website - https://dvipiowa.org/

Do all parties in the relationship seek a mutually satisfying resolution to conflict?

Mutually satisfying conflict resolution is a very important aspect of a happy and healthy relationship! It’s important to continue monitoring your own relationship and finding areas to continue positive growth.

We all deserve to feel valued in our relationships, and mutually satisfying conflict resolution is one aspect of creating a happy and healthy relationship. You and others involved in the relationship might want to explore how to strengthen your relationship by incorporating more healthy behaviors such as listening nonjudgmentally to others and being open to compromise.  Alternatively, you might decide that separation or setting new boundaries is the best next step. At the end of this quiz are some resources that you can check out to talk with others about your concerns and to learn more about healthy relationship behaviors. 

It seems like you’re the primary person compromising in your relationship. Finding a middle ground in relationship conflicts is a team effort and it can be unfair for us to be the only person making concessions. Here are some resources and services that can offer support and help you think about your next steps towards safety.

Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP) 
24-hour Hotline: 800-373-1043 
Website - https://dvipiowa.org/

Do all in the relationship feel a mutual responsibility for the relationship's health?

Shared responsibility is a very important aspect of a happy and healthy relationship! It’s important to continue monitoring your own relationship and finding areas to continue positive growth.

We all deserve to feel valued in our relationships, and mutual respect is one aspect of creating a happy and healthy relationship. You and others involved in the relationship might want to explore how to strengthen your relationship by incorporating more healthy behaviors such as listening nonjudgmentally, valuing the opinions of others, and taking responsibility for our own actions.  Alternatively, you might decide that separation or setting new boundaries is the best next step. At the end of this quiz are some resources that you can check out to talk with others about your concerns and to learn more about healthy relationship behaviors. 

It seems like you’re taking primary responsibility for the health of your relationship. We all deserve to feel cherished and cared for in our relationships with others, and partners should try to share emotional responsibilities (like planning dates, paying for outings, asking about one another’s days, etc). It is not healthy for one person to be the only partner investing in the relationship.  Here are some resources and services that can offer support and help you think about your next steps towards safety. 

Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP) 
24-hour Hotline: 800-373-1043 
Website - https://dvipiowa.org/

What Makes a Relationship Healthy or Unhealthy?

Wheel of Equality and Relationship Continuum

The wheel of equality is a tool that shows behaviors and dynamics we need to actively practice for our relationships to remain healthy. If we are in a healthy relationship, we need to be proactively looking for opportunities to incorporate these behaviors more. A relationship is not just healthy or unhealthy, it’s a continuum, and we always want to be moving towards more health.

relationship equality

 

In an unhealthy relationship, the behaviors shown on the wheel of equality are lacking. Some examples of unhealthy or worrisome relationship behaviors might be disrespecting someone’s independence by insisting that you’re with them in every social situation, or not supporting someone’s pursuit of their professional goals, or shifting blame universally to one person whenever conflict arises. Sometimes these behaviors stand alone, and other times they can build into abuse.

relationship continuum

 

Abusive relationships can look different depending on what forms of harm are involved, but they are all built on a dynamic of consistent unequal power that keeps one person isolated, scared, and confused.  Abusive relationships can entail physical and sexual harm, but they can also entail emotional, economic, or psychological abuse. If you recognize some of the examples of abuse within your own relationship(s), you may want to reach out to someone for help, and we'll provide resources below to get help.

Power and Control Wheel

The power and control wheel shows behaviors an abusive partner may use to gain and maintain power and control over someone else. If your relationship consistently makes you feel disrespected, unhappy, and unsafe you might be experiencing the dynamics listed in the power and control wheel, and it is never okay for your partner to harm you and you never deserve harm.

power and control wheel
Resources

If you or someone you know is in need of support, don’t hesitate to contact one of the free, confidential resources below:

If you selected...

Mostly Yes

It seems you have a happy and healthy relationship! It’s important to continue monitoring your own relationship and finding areas to continue positive growth. It is important that we continue to model healthy relationship behaviors to others. If you or others need support in a relationship, here are some resources you can utilize and share.  

Planned Parenthood
Ideas on how to keep your relationship going strong!
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships
 

Mostly Maybe

It seems like your relationship is mostly safe, but you’re not always feeling happy and respected. We all deserve to feel cared for and appreciated in our relationships. You and others involved in the relationship might want to explore how to strengthen your relationship by incorporating more healthy, respectful behaviors, or for the health and happiness of all involved, you might decide that separation or setting some boundaries is the best next step. Below are some resources that you can check out to talk with others about your concerns and to learn more about healthy relationship behaviors.

Love is Respect
Learn more about what makes relationships unhealthy vs. healthy:
https://loveisrespect.org/relationship-spectrum

Rape Victims & Advocacy (RVAP)  
24-hour Hotline: 319-335-6000  
website - https://rvap.uiowa.edu

Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP) 
24-hour Hotline: 800-373-1043 
Website - https://dvipiowa.org/ 

Mostly No

It seems like you’re mostly feeling unhappy and unsafe in your relationship. We all deserve to feel happy and safe in our relationships with others, and we never deserve to be harmed. Here are some resources and services that can offer support and help you think about your next steps towards safety.

Love is Respect
Learn more about dynamics of unsafe relationships:
https://loveisrespect.org/power-control

Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP) 
24-hour Hotline: 800-373-1043 
Website - https://dvipiowa.org